Taking time before major decisions in early grief

Not about the house. Not about where you live. Not about your finances, your future, or what comes next. The weeks after losing your partner are not the time to make permanent decisions. This is true even when it does not feel that way, and even when people around you suggest otherwise.

Most major decisions can wait longer than you realise. Giving yourself that time is not avoidance. It is wisdom.

What decisions can actually wait?

Almost everything significant in your life can wait at least six to twelve months. This includes:

• Selling the family home or any property
• Moving to a new city or interstate
• Moving in with family
• Changing jobs or stopping work
• Giving away possessions that belonged to your partner
• Making significant changes to your finances or investments

Most financial advisers and grief counsellors who work with bereaved people will say the same thing: wait at least twelve months before making any major property or financial decision if you can. The reason is straightforward. Grief changes how we think. Decisions that feel clear and right in month two often look different in month fourteen. The regrets that follow are hard to undo.

You may feel a strong pull to act. To change something. To do something. That feeling is real, and it makes sense. But it is not a signal that action is needed right now.

What genuinely cannot wait after a death?

Some things do need attention in the first weeks. These are not decisions so much as tasks, and you can handle them one at a time:

• Notifying relevant institutions. Banks, the ATO, Centrelink, superannuation funds, and any government benefits your partner received need to be informed. You do not need to do them all at once.
• Managing direct debits and shared accounts. Check what is coming out automatically and ensure bills are still being paid while you sort out the longer-term finances.
• Superannuation beneficiary nominations. If you were not already nominated as beneficiary on your partner's super, or if there is uncertainty about this, speak to the fund early. These processes have their own timelines.
• Securing the property. If your partner managed the home's security, make sure you know how everything works, that locks are secure, and that you feel safe.

These are the tasks that have actual deadlines or consequences if left too long. The rest can wait.

What do I do when others are pressuring me to decide?

Family members sometimes push for decisions to be made quickly. Sometimes this comes from concern. Sometimes it comes from their own grief, or their own discomfort with uncertainty. Sometimes it is financial.

You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to say not yet.

Some things that can help:

"I've spoken to a financial adviser who recommends waiting twelve months before making any major decisions. That's what I'm going to do."

"I know you're trying to help. I'm not ready to make that decision yet, and I don't have a timeline."

"I need more time before I can think about this clearly. Can we talk again in a few months?"

You do not need to justify this to anyone. A grief counsellor or financial adviser can also act as a reason you can point to, which sometimes makes it easier when other people are involved.

What about the family home specifically?

Selling the family home is one of the most common major decisions made in early grief, and one of the most commonly regretted.

The home is full of your partner. That can make it feel unbearable to stay. It can also make it feel unbearable to leave. Both feelings are real, and both will shift over time.

If you can afford to stay, waiting is almost always worth it. The decision looks different in a year. If you cannot afford to stay, that is a different situation, and one to work through with a financial adviser.

Whatever you decide, the decision will be better made with more time, not less.

When am I ready to think through major decisions?

When you do feel ready to look at the bigger decisions, a financial adviser and a grief counsellor are both worth speaking to. Not to tell you what to do, but to help you think clearly.

A financial adviser can help you understand what your actual options are before you decide anything. The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's MoneySmart website (moneysmart.gov.au) also has guidance on managing money after a major loss, including what to consider before making significant financial decisions. A grief counsellor can help you notice whether a decision is coming from a clear place or from the acute phase of grief.

You do not have to have it all figured out before you speak to them. You just have to be ready to start the conversation.

The specialist finder can help you locate a grief counsellor in your area. For financial advice, look for an adviser who has experience working with bereaved clients.

This guide is general information only. It does not replace advice from a qualified financial adviser, legal professional, or grief counsellor. If you are facing urgent financial or legal decisions, seek professional advice.