Grief support and bereavement counselling

How does grief work after a terminal illness?

When a person dies after a long illness, the grief experienced by the people closest to them has often been building for months or years. This is called anticipatory grief, and it is entirely normal. It does not mean you will grieve less after the death. Many people are surprised to find that the grief after the death is different from, and sometimes more intense than, what they experienced during the illness.

The administrative demands of the immediate aftermath, the estate work, the notifications, and the logistics, can temporarily suppress the emotional processing of the loss. It is common to feel functional and even purposeful during this period, and then to find that grief arrives more fully when the tasks are done and the busyness stops.

There is no correct way to grieve and no standard timeline. Some people feel profound relief after a long illness, alongside their sadness. Others feel guilt about that relief. All of these responses are normal. If your experience does not match what you expected, that does not mean you are grieving incorrectly.

Why does peer support matter?

Being with others who have experienced a similar loss provides a kind of understanding that even the most loving friends and family members cannot always offer. People who have not lost a partner or close family member often struggle to grasp the magnitude and duration of grief, and can (with the best of intentions) say unhelpful things or pull back when the support is still most needed.

Peer support groups create a space where you are not required to manage anyone else's feelings about your loss. You can say what is actually true, including things that feel too heavy or too complicated to share with family. Many people describe peer support groups as the first place they have felt truly understood since the death.

Support groups are not all the same. Some are structured and facilitated by a professional. Others are more informal. Some are specifically for widowed people. Some are for people who have lost a family member to a particular illness. Finding one that fits you may take a little trial and exploration.

How do you find a grief support group in Australia?

GriefLine (griefline.org.au), now part of SANE Australia, offers free phone support from trained volunteers, runs bereavement support groups, and can refer you to grief counsellors. Their phone line, 1300 845 745, is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 8pm eastern Australian time, and their online forums are open at any hour. GriefLine is specifically for people experiencing grief and loss, not for crisis support, which makes it appropriate to reach out even when things are not urgent.

Grief Australia (grief.org.au), formerly the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement, offers specialist bereavement counselling and support groups. Its counselling service covers Victoria, and people in other states can see its counsellors by phone or video for a fee.

Some community and faith groups run groups specifically for people who have lost a spouse or partner. Your local community health centre, palliative care service, or GP can often connect you with groups in your area.

What online communities and remote support are available?

For people in regional or remote areas, or for those who find in-person groups difficult, online communities can provide meaningful connection. Griefline and Beyond Blue (beyondblue.org.au) both host online communities that are moderated and focused on lived experience support. They are accessible at any hour and do not require travel.

The quality and tone of online communities varies widely. Prioritise communities run by reputable organisations with clear moderation standards, rather than informal social media groups where the standard of conversation is not managed.

Telehealth counselling has expanded significantly and is now widely available. If a face-to-face appointment is not practical or comfortable, a video or phone session with a grief counsellor or psychologist is a meaningful alternative. Ask your GP for a referral or contact Grief Australia directly.

What does professional bereavement counselling involve?

A psychologist or counsellor with experience in grief and bereavement can provide structured, evidence-based support that goes beyond what peer support offers. Therapy for grief is not about moving on quickly or returning to normal. It is about processing the loss in a way that allows you to carry it without being overwhelmed by it.

Your usual GP is the starting point. They can refer you to a psychologist under a Mental Health Treatment Plan, which provides access to up to 10 Medicare-rebated individual sessions each calendar year. This significantly reduces the out-of-pocket cost of seeing a psychologist. Mention specifically that you have experienced a bereavement and ask for a referral to someone with grief experience. More information about the Mental Health Treatment Plan and which sessions are covered under Medicare is available at health.gov.au.

Your palliative care team, if you were involved with one during the illness, typically offers bereavement follow-up for family members for a period after the death. This may include a phone call or visit from a bereavement counsellor and a referral to ongoing support. Ask what is available if it has not already been offered.

How does grief affect different people in the same family?

When a person dies, everyone who loved them grieves, but not in the same way or at the same pace. Children and teenagers need honest, age-appropriate information and may not have the language to express what they are experiencing. Adult children who are managing their own grief while also supporting the surviving parent can find themselves without adequate support themselves.

It is worth ensuring that everyone in the family has access to support appropriate to their age and situation, not just the person who was most central to the relationship. Grief Australia has resources for supporting children. Feel the Magic (feelthemagic.org.au) runs free grief camps across Australia for children and young people aged 7 to 17 whose parent, guardian or sibling has died. Ask a palliative care social worker or your GP about local services.

Do not assume that family members who appear to be coping are not struggling. People manage grief in very different ways, and those who seem functional are not necessarily fine. Check in directly and make it clear that seeking support is not a sign of weakness or failure.

When should you seek professional help urgently?

Some signs suggest that grief may benefit from more urgent professional attention: if you are unable to carry out basic daily activities (eating, sleeping, personal hygiene) for an extended period; if you are using alcohol or other substances heavily to cope; if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to be alive; or if your grief is not changing at all over many months and you feel completely stuck.

These are not signs of failure or weakness. They are signs that grief has become stuck in a way that responds well to professional treatment. The clinical term is prolonged grief disorder, and it is a recognised condition with effective treatments. Reaching out for help when you recognise these signs is the most productive thing you can do.

If you are in immediate distress, Lifeline (13 11 14) provides crisis support around the clock. Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), also open around the clock, provides support for anxiety and depression. Both are staffed by people trained to listen.